Best Kept Secret, Volume 1

In which Lila explains why The Best Kept Secret, shares the dog + parrot video, Big Brother Shadreck's guitar prowess, a memory of a moped, and a recco for the Netflix series The Chair.

Deep Cuts

What’s this section? It’s where you’ll find deep thoughts, opinions you didn’t ask for, life observations, and maybe even a poem. Today I want to write about why I am starting this zine and why I have the gaul to call this The Best Kept Secret.

When I was in my third year in college, I had three shitty roommates. They were mean girls, and I was a depressed misfit. My mom had just killed herself, and my father and I were estranged. I was on scholarship, had very little spending cash, and had everything to prove. I was shut down emotionally, just trying to survive. They were partying their asses off, having boyfriends, and what looked like (in hindsight) an obnoxiously good time.

Second semester one of their friends came back to school after taking a mental health break. While she hadn’t spoken a word to me the semester prior, this time around she was nice and chatty. We were laughing it up, and she said “Lila, you are so funny, I had no idea. You are Hayden Hall’s Best Kept Secret.” Her willingness to reach out, and her sweetness was a life preserver. I’m guessing that because she was experiencing her own suffering, she was able to recognize mine. 

After that moment, my roommates actually started to acknowledge me.  We started laughing together and bonding a bit too. I never told them what was ailing me. They never asked, and my truth at that time was too hard to speak.

And since I’ve bottled up my truth for the last 30 years, I have kept myself locked away out of fear and shame. 

I’ve often felt like that frog in the looney tunes cartoon. The one that sings and dances magnificently, but only in secret,  not in the presence of judgment.

It finally dawned on me this year, that perhaps my inability to be a whole person in front of others is something that holds me back creatively. So here I am, The Best Kept Secret. Thanks Adina, wherever you are.

Cute Animals

This column should be self explanatory. If not, please let me know how I can make it more clear. Cute animal videos and photos light me up. And I need to share that magic with you!

This one is about a dog and a parrot that become inseparable. It’s so cute it drives me nuts. 

Good Musics

Everyone needs good musics! When I’m blue, I often forget that music can change how I feel in an instant. I found this artist through Dust to Digital, a music archiving non profit. Their IG is off the hook. After a clip they posted of Big Brother Shadreck playing guitar went viral, he ended up in the studio recording his first album.

Shadreck Mokuma is a guitarist from Zimbabwe. His son is on the drums, and has been since age 4. You can see video of young Isaac playing drums next to his dad as a kid - you won’t need me to tell you he is one talented mofo. Their first album is “Hard Times Never Kill.” Big Brother Shadreck is also blind.

I urge you to move your booty, either in the chair or in the air while listening.

From the Archive

The Puch Maxi.

I once owned this little goody, maybe 15 years ago. It made me feel like hot shit, even though it was slow and loud and smelly. Putting gas in it was a bitch because I had to mix gas and some other liquid in the one gallon tank, and then shake the bike to mix it together. One time I rode around north Brooklyn with a moped gang that I was on a listserv with. They were all a lot younger than me, and their bikes were a lot faster. It still was a great adrenaline rush.

Jokes

We could all use a dad joke every once in a while, right?

MyCovid™

For those of you who don’t know, I’ve had long covid since January 2021. For months I was headachy, nauseous, out of breath for no reason, dizzy and exhausted. I went to the covid clinic at USC, and they confirmed that my heart and my lungs don’t have permanent damage, but they were unable to help me in any other way. I’m about 65% better at this point, and making quick progress since I started working with a head and neck chiropractor. It’s been one hell of a healing journey. I will be sharing the things that helped me on Best Kept Secret, and am always willing to be an empathetic ear. Send ‘em over.

Artists Know Shit

What on earth is this. This is a podcast (ugh another one) wherein I conversate with creative people about what’s on their mind, and what fuels them. You might be intrigued by the way artists see the world. I have yet to record one episode of this, but I really hope I do.

Recommendations

Today’s recommendation is a Netflix series called “The Chair.” Sandra Oh plays the first woman and woman of color to be the chair of the English Lit department usually run by a boys club at a stodgy college. In the show, she has a career focused storyline, as well as a personal one, and the boundaries between the two are blurry. Oh is falling in love with a heartbroken professor played by the Duplass, who is on the verge of suspension because of bad behavior. During every episode, I wonder when she will give in to her feelings for the Duplass, when she will say fuck the patriarchy, and when she will stand up and proudly say that a successful woman is also a flawed woman, just like successful man is a flawed man. 

I love Oh and the Duplass together. Their fun chemistry brings a twist to their tortured romance which could be the storyline a boring 90’s drama if the roles were reversed. Their conflict conjures the many double standards women face when climbing the ranks in any profession. 

The show is current, flirty, and chock full of great writing and things to think about. 

PS. I’ve only watched 4 episodes. 

You Made It This Far

Wow! Thanks for reading. I hope Volume 1 was an interesting journey for you, and that you will be reading Volume 2. If you’d like to take over a column, write your own, or suggest one for me, just say so! You are invited!